Thoughts on love and Planet Fitness.

Money can’t buy you love, but it can buy you a planet fitness black card membership, which comes with massage chair privileges. That’s a very close second.

No, actually it’s a tie. Because the chair doesn’t require reciprocity, so it gets bonus points.

I also tempted fate and used the hydromassage bed. God save the Queen. I walked out of there feeling lighter than ever.


Money also can buy you books you can’t find in the library.

I was drawn to the this one during a Wednesday night stroll through Barnes & Noble. I’m ready for my next love, although I realize it may be years before I meet him. I’ve already been fortunate to have one before John. I hope the book is right and this third love will be my last. More on that later.

I’m not as sad as I thought I’d be about losing John. It’s been almost a month since we broke up and I’m okay. I have moments of anger and hurt from being misunderstood, but I don’t really miss him. I miss who I was with the “him” who showed up, which it turns out who he really was. I’m forever grateful to him for participating in our post-breakup debrief because I might have held him on a pedestal, otherwise. Hearing him speak so negatively about me was like a light switch. My brain quarantined the cute pictures and fun memories and extracted any feelings of love like a Dyson vacuum. The love is still there, but it’s for a man he’s not ready to be.

But why am I better than okay? I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth, but I love a good process inquiry. I thought about it and have come to this conclusion: I’ve been abandoned so many times that I think I’m used to it by now. Yet – and this is key – I chose to love John wholeheartedly from the beginning, despite knowing that it would inevitably end. (I wrote a poem about this a few months ago. I’ll have to find it…) I didn’t waste energy holding anything back. I treated that space with him with the utmost respect and affection. I lived IN every moment and didn’t waste a single one. I have no regrets about anything. Maybe that means no missing him, either?

AND, I acknowledge that this could all be a gloriously epic, manic coping mechanism to deal with my pain, but six of one, right?

ISO.

Got back on Tinder and OkCupid. I’m not invested in the outcome and that is the perfect mindset to date. Just nice conversations that lead to nothing.

Being healed isn’t a prerequisite to dating them. It’s better that I’m not. Most men want to date a woman who’s like their dog: perky, cute and obedient. John taught me that. I don’t want to waste the best version of me on men anymore. They won’t appreciate it.

I also look great in this dress.